Addiction Recovery
Slips are occasions when you relapse into acting out behaviors. After a slip, It is important to pick yourself up and get back on track. Resuming your recovery activities, analyzing what led to the slip, and creating a plan to deal with what led you there are ways you can grow after relapse.
Course Correct Activity
Get honest about your relapse right away. Dust yourself off and resume your recovery process and activities.
What led to your slip? Do an inventory of the events, circumstances, feelings, and thoughts that led to your relapse/slip.
Make a plan to deal with those circumstances, feelings, and thoughts next time they arise.
Slips or relapses (I use the terms interchangeably) are common in recovery. What's most important is how you deal with a relapse after it occurs. Beating yourself up doesn't help. And turning a slip into a "woe is me, I can't do this" moment is a waste of time and energy.
Because you're a human being and a recovering addict, your judgement is not always sound. This is a fact, not an excuse. So when you relapse, it means you need to improve your judgement. To be able to do this, the first step is to get back on track immediately. If you do, you can turn what seems a disaster into an opportunity for growth and progress. Here's how to make that happen:
Talk to your partner about your slip within 24 hours of its occurrence. Be honest and explain what you're going to do about it or what your slip-prevention plan is. Be prepared to deal with the consequences of your behavior. Talk to your sponsor, coach, therapist, or a fellow addict in recovery immediately after you act out and before you talk to your partner. By doing so you can begin to get insight into what led to the relapse, what your action plan will be, and how you will deal with any consequences.
Relapse often occurs because you are not dealing directly with the feelings you are experiencing; because you are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired (HALT); because you are isolated; because you're carrying secrets; or because you lack structure and have empty time on your hands. So analyze what led to the relapse from three perspectives: circumstantial, emotional, cognitive.
It is important to understand your acting out cycle. What things started you down the path to acting out this time? It may be helpful to begin with where you were, what you were doing, and what was going on for you. Were you away from home? In a conflict with someone? Did you have empty time on your hands? Was it a special occasion? Was it the anniversary of a break-up or other loss? Did work get piled on you unexpectedly? Perhaps you didn't get recognition you thought you deserved. Whatever the circumstances were, it is important to understand them so you can become more aware of how you were triggered by them.
What feelings arose for you prior to your relapse? The feelings may be related to the circumstances you were in. For example, if you didn't get the recognition you thought you deserved, you may have felt rejected, angry, devalued, or depressed. You may have felt all of these. And it is likely you have an established pattern of medicating these kinds of feelings by acting out. By naming what you were feeling, you make it easier to recognize similar feelings in the future so you can take action to prevent sliding down the rabbit hole to acting out.
What thoughts flowed through your mind in the lead-up to acting out? What was the story you told yourself? As an addict, you have a long history of justifying your behavior with thoughts like: "Oh, if I do this it's not really acting out. It doesn't count." Or maybe, "Who is going to know? No one will know or get hurt." Or even, "After being treated that way, I DESERVE to act out." Over time, such thoughts become habitual and almost automatic. So it is important to recognize your pattern of semi-conscious, self-justifying thoughts that lead to acting out. This will help you to respond more constructively to the emotions and circumstances that lead to such thoughts, instead of acting out.